And you know

you're in trouble when your five year old asks you if the polar bears are going to live and you tell him, "no, they are going to die and no one is doing much about it, but that is an existential crisis for you. What you really need to worry about is how it is going to be too hot to go outside." And you know you're lucky when the next day he says "I figured it out Mommy--they will all swim to Antartica" and he then informs you that is a real theory. You know you're in trouble when after soccer you wrestle him to the ground to pull a Capris Sun out of his hands as all the parents stare in horror at your over the top attitude to sugar. And you know you are lucky when he looks you in the eye and says "why?" and you say "High-fructose corn-syrup" and he says "o.k." quite easily. You know you're in trouble when you are driving so fast to the teach-in you are teaching that starts in 3 minutes and your are on your cell phone and the car in front of you pulls into your lane and you swerve to miss it and hit a pole. And you know you're lucky when they say sorry and no one is hurt and you say "well, as long as your fine and we're fine gotta go" and head off to your teach-in --just 3 minutes late. You know your in trouble when you can't get the top groups to get it and you know your lucky when the Idaho Astronomical Society "got it" without being asked. You know you're in trouble when you wake up sad too early in the morning and can't sleep because of it and you know you're lucky when you find an email in your inbox from your sister asking you to lunch, just in time to help you not feel sad, and help you start to make a good day. You know you're in trouble when dinner is soba noodles, potatoes and ketchup, and you know you're lucky when strawberries and peaches are snacked on while the pasta and potatoes cook. You know you're in trouble when you are so mad that the bathwater is thrown purposely out of the tub that you shout "there will be no stories tonight!" And you know you're lucky when you actually do read a story in Spanish and English. You know you're in trouble when you are counting to 120 and thinking fall asleep...now...fall asleep...now. You know you are lucky when you bury your face into their sleeping bodies and hear the sound of restful breath. You know you're in trouble when you can't quit thinking about the weight of the world and you know you are lucky when you remember who it is you are worried about the world for.

Clearing Up

Just to be clear--I had to blow my nose on the sleeve of my sweater because there was not anything remotely like a tissue in the car and I was super congested to the point of not being able to respond to my big sister on the phone, and, well it was practically a spontaneous blow. Also to be clear--the quote I posted from a few days ago regarding the Pellinor series is a song that was song during the time of Annar, as that time was passing--the light moving to dark, turmoil taking over the land. Sometimes I feel like we are going through that kind of a time right now.

You know you're in trouble when...

You know you're in trouble when your driving down the freeway and have to blow your nose on your sweater and then, forget about it when you get to your destination and continue to wear your sweater with snot obviously on your sleeve. You know you're in trouble when you are super tired, but up on the internet anyways while a t.v. you didn't turn on is blasting and then out of nowhere, without realizing you were even listening, you find yourself laughing at a joke you didn't even hear by a late night talk show host. You know you're in trouble when the toilet paper is out in one bathroom and so you use the other bathroom and then you realize eventually that you are out of toilet paper in both bathrooms and that is what it takes to get you to walk to the cleaning closet and get fresh rolls of toilet paper. You know you're in trouble when the nice guy who helps you load your stuff says, "Hey, did you know your gas cap is missing" and you did, and it has been missing for likely a year. And he says, "That effects the fuel quality, it loses its volatility" and you didn't even think of that. And then he tells you, once you've started the car that you need to get something else done because of how your engine sounds and you didn't really even try to remember what he said. And you still haven't gotten a new gas cap. You know you're in trouble when you cry at basically anything remotely emotional, including commercials for t.v. dramas. Mommy brain, overwork, stress. Life.

The Song of Theokas

"I kiss the peaks of Lamedon with my eyes And the white arms of the passionate sea Which loves this beautiful island that I love For I am dying..." -From Alison Croggon's The Books of Pellinor