A Post I Must Write In Order to Sleep

I have lost it. Completely and totally gone crazy. I can't figure out how to solve the problem, I keep trying all sort of futile solutions. The poor creatures certainly are confused at my approach. It's the ants. Tonight I took out the bleach and zapped the ones on the countertop. Before, I had been hitting them with essential oils of lavender and bergamot, which they actually seemed to enjoy and which I pretended was a warning. Nevermind that my countertop compost serves as their colony and I have done nothing to disrupt that. But a few nights ago I found a load of them in the overstacked part of my sink. It was like the rag was crawling with ants. I, of course, happily washed them down the drain...but cannot bring myself to crush their bodies...so I sprayed them tonight and watched them burn...imagining their minute screams, seeing them flail to get above the bubbles of acid eating them to bits. Then I got a paper towel, closed my eyes and wiped their bodies up. I still could not crush them. Really, something must be done, I am the schizophrenic ruler of an in home ant colony. When sweeping after my bleach massacre, I even let a few live as they skirted by my poky blade of disposal, humoring myself with the notion that I am a merciful goddess. A solution, I must find....not sure if it is with the ants or me.