Anticipation

Maybe when I took the political out of this blog it lost its path. I know the central thing that preoccupies me right now, at my core anyways, is the election. I care deeply about my work, both personal and professional, but the most devastating occurrence for me would be to lose the upcoming election. Tonight I thought of that and imagined myself going outside and wailing, just wailing endlessly. That will not happen, I am confident of as much. I am afraid of my confidence, but I have it nonetheless, otherwise I would start wailing now. Tomorrow is a very big day. I will speak and attempt to persuade, and for whatever reason I have 3 minutes and I still feel a huge weight of responsibility. I am certain it is imagined. I am confident they have already completed the task without me. Nevertheless I am nervous. That's good I suppose. I can't imagine what it is like to be a candidate as election day nears. I have felt a surreal acceleration of time since the beginning of October, as if everything is cruising to one excruciating climax. Will we ever get there? I want that now, and I also never want it to come. The uncertainty is both plaguing and pleasurable, the synthesis of experience's dichotomy.