here i am

thought i couldn't even blog tonight...but i can always blog here...its really some strange thing to use a public space as a private space and remain committed to the idea that it is private. someone did a google search on my dad the other day and found my father's day blog entry, and then wrote him a note to tell him my tribute gave them goosebumps. after liking that someone confirmed their suspicion that my dad rocks via my blog, i then thought, "Well, i hope they didn't read much further to see how whacked his daughter really is." Maybe everyone's whacked, maybe I am just a little extra for being comfortable to make it available for anyone to read...if they find it. If a blog is written but never read does it have meaning? is it only feminists who are willing to say no to nukes? i think maybe. hilary did. maybe i am wrong. why do i feel so right? could there really be two sides to this (or more)? what is...? so processing here is public and private. there are things i will not write about, like the way, really, i wish i could just drop to the ground, into the grass lining the path and make the moment pause or extend. make the bi-directionality settle and those passing by take a look through. a real one. you know that thing when someone looks at you like they get it? What if there were more of those moments? i think i would really splay on my back looking up at the sky and open my mouth into a deep grin. pause. here i am.